Breaking the Cycle – Better Together

Hello, my lovelies!

Some of you may well remember my posts from way back in 2017 on physical and mental wellness (for a refresher, click here). I was in the best of shapes – fit in body and in mind.

Well, that was then and this is now. The past year I’ve really let myself go. It has been quite a slump, in more ways than one. And like some of my spirit animals (think sloths and, well, Po) I eat when I’m upset. Trust me, stress eating + comfort eating = deadliest duo. The more I was depressed, the more I ate. The more I ate, the more depressed I became at the declining state of affairs. And the vicious cycle continued.

Recently though, I lost my cousin to a heart attack. He was 18 years elder to me, but still young. He had always been in the prime of health, a martial arts and fitness enthusiast and could almost rival a monk in holistic, mindful eating. Yet, he’s gone. Leaving a wife he literally grew up with and a 3 year old toddler behind. When I was done crying, I decided to wake up. I cannot put my parents through the pain, grief and loss being suffered by my Uncle and Aunt right now. I need to look after myself.

Following up on the wake-up call, I’ve been walking-jogging for the past two days. But like they say, it takes a village. So this is me, reaching out to this beautiful community to help my along my journey to wellness and health. My lack of stamina and endurance is appalling, but what I don’t want to be found lacking in is motivation. So I’ll be posting an update everyday. Be my watchers? Pull me up for slacking off? Commend me for pushing the limits? Two minutes of your time a day might move this gal two further miles!

Also, if any of you are having trouble or need support in reaching your goals (most of us must already be off the new year’s resolution high), I am here. Let’s get fit together. Let’s get better together. Let’s grow well (-er…I know that’s not a word) together! It can be done. Believe me, I speak from experience. I’ve done it once before and I’ll be darned if I don’t do it again.

Drop me a line if you’re interested. Remember, a little love is all it takes. As a starter, I’m posting screenshots of my efforts for the past two days. I’d love to hear about yours.

Thank you for reading!

As always,

Love,

Varnika

Reaction

Is it the beating of my heart

Or the bleating of my soul

Chiming along with

The throbbing in my veins

Against the thumping of my chest

With an inhale

And an exhale

Every breath resounds

To the sound

Of your presence.

Would You Like To See?

There’s a corner of my heart that is yet untouched. Almost inaccessible. Hence, it is indifferent and unfeeling. Nothing reaches it. Nothing escapes from it. Like Schrodinger’s cat, love/hate in equal measures might very well be alive in it. Or not. You’d never know unless you unlock the door. But the path leading upto it is a labyrinth. A hideous, dangerous maze. One wrong turn and you’d get caught among the worst of my memories. Yet another and you’d be sucked dry by the remnants of my despair – of bubbles burst, hopes dashed and dreams unfulfilled. Somewhere else you might be cornered by my deepest, darkest fears. And then again, in a murky lane would be the sum total of my desires. It’s an arduous journey, I must say. The journey in itself a life-long experience. Undertake it, if you will. Reach the door, if you can. Unlock it, maybe. Here’s the key. Would you like to see?

The Quiet Ones

The loud ones proclaim it all around.

The rowdy ones claim it all abound.

The greedy ones snatch it like a hound.

But

It’s the quiet ones,

The silent ones,

Who seep into your heart,

Creeping through every barrier,

And set up shop,

Before you even catch a whiff.

And then, my dear, you’re in love.

Whether you like it or not.

Careful of the quiet ones, I say.

Kinder Than Needed

The one’s who know my story

Often come back to ask me

Why am I still not wary?

How can I still love?

What can possibly make me care?

Where do I dig in

To find back some trust?

Why does my heart not rust?

To them, I say –

The Journey

I followed my heart once,

and it broke me.

I followed my mind next,

and it woke me.

Now I sit,

Caught in the middle,

Contemplating my steps ahead.

And on either end, with arms bare,

Stands waiting for me, the mighty despair.

Would someone, please, be so kind?

Immeasurable

Miles,

Yards

Metres.

Measures of sand,

Mere repeaters.

How far have I come,

Or

How far will I go,

How will you judge?

How will you purport to know?

Do you know how to rate,

The measure of a heart?

To Feel Again

“Happy is the heart that still feels pain”

Getting hurt is part and parcel of life. Nobody refutes that. Getting over the hurt and moving on, albiet a humongous task, takes place around us everyday. We’ve grown to take it in our stride. What is incredibly special, however, is the ability to preserve the capacity to feel pain within our hearts. It is easy to shut ourselves out, protect our emotions and become indifferent towards everything. When you won’t feel a thing, you’d become immune to feeling hurt.

Yet, such well-intentioned guarding makes us blind to the happiness coming our way. It desensitizes whatever empathy we may have been able to feel towards our fellowmen. It turns us into highly functional robots.

The human spirit of resilience though is unparalleled and undaunted. After a stretch of such emotionless wading through life, it raises its head and brings us back on track. Once again, we open ourselves to the possibility of getting hurt by allowing ourselfs to affiliate. Even though we’ve been made wiser by our past bitter experiences, we try our best to not let it reflect on our present and future, we do not prejudge, we give every person we come across a fair fighting chance. How amazing is that?

So here’s to all the Bravehearts who plough through all the hurt, pain, suffering and are able to feel again. It’s true, happy is the heart that can still feel pain, because it’s what makes us human. It’s a language more universal than any other. We might not be able to understand the words that come out of someone’s mouth in a language foreign to us but we can never fail to see the pain behind someone’s tears or the scars etched across someone’s skin. And then, despite all odds, despite all unfortunate events that life has thrown our way, we are able to show love and help them overcome their grief.

On this note, I leave you today with a beautiful song by Ingrid Michaelson called “Everybody”. I’m also sharing it’s lyrics below the link for everyone who is too busy or is not in a place where he can play music right now.

PS. I’ve done a couple of posts where I share my thoughts and then end with a song having related lyrics. I would love to have your feedback to know if I should continue with them or if my song choices don’t really click with you. Thanks!

We have fallen down again tonight
In this world it’s hard to get it right
Trying to make your heart fit like a glove
What it needs is love, love, love

Everybody, everybody wants to love
Everybody, everybody wants to be loved
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
Everybody, everybody wants to love
Everybody, everybody wants to be loved
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

Happy is the heart that still feels pain
Darkness drains and light will come again
Swing open up your chest and let it in
Just let the love, love, love begin

Everybody, everybody wants to love
Everybody, everybody wants to be loved
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
Everybody, everybody wants to love
Everybody, everybody wants to be loved
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

Lie

Another lie,

Another sigh,
Days pass me by,

Yet here still I lie.

You seek refuge 

In empty words

That drain my soul

And burn my spirit.

Your subterfuge and duplicity

I’ve tried to meet

With love and simplicity,

Again and again, but of course, to no avail.

I wonder why,

You don’t just leave,

Why you choose to subject me

To all this grief.

I can see in your eyes

The truths that you hide

My voice dies in my throat

When I try to call you out on them.

Because I then wonder why,

Or what good it’ll do,

Since you’ve made your bed

And are lying in it too.

You’re far beyond

The point of no return.

So carry on, my darling,

Pile on the lies.

I’ll listen to them,

While sipping on my wine,

But I won’t be getting 

My lips wet anymore.

For more poetry, please click  here. Please leave your thoughts and comments down below, I’d be delighted to get a feedback. Thank you for reading!

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