Tête-à-tête

It’s been a while

I said

As I reacquainted myself with Patience

Don’t leave me

I said

As Hope moved to turn its back on me

I’ve taken leaps for you

I said

As Trust smiled at me

We must part ways now

I said

As Sadness shed some crocodile tears

You need to get off my back

I said

As anxiety kept tapping its feet

I’m full of you

I said

As Love walked back into my heart

I will enjoy, relish, savour, succour everything you throw at me

I said

As Life took hold of my hand

Mandala Meditations

I find it difficult to meditate the conventional way. Although I am striving to get there. The importance of meditation is not lost on me, especially in the midst of a nationwide surge in covid cases with everyone I know being either infected or having lost a loved one. The news coming in from all quarters is depressing, the messages coming in from family and friends are overwhelming. The mental stability, understandably, is barely hanging in there.

So I did what I could do to focus my attention away from all of it, if only for a little while. And I made art. I’m not sure if it meets all the standards of being art, but for me it is.

The repeated motions of drawing this mandala stack, the craning of the mind to come up with patterns, the precision required to execute the intricacies of it all was calming and therapeutic.

So here’s my little attempt at self care. I’d love to know what you do to ground yourself and your emotions? I’m looking for ideas. And I’m here to talk, if you need a sounding board.

Love,

Varnika

Downswing Days

I’ve realised I mostly come on here and write on days I have something happy to report. Be it my physical or mental well-being or a step forward in the right direction, be it any aspect of my life. I do it with the firm belief that sharing is caring, that someone out there might read my pieces and smile, take heart and hustle on. Indeed, your kind comments have proven it to be so.

Yet, on days when I’m not feeling my best, I refrain from writing, either feeling vulnerable at the exposure or feeling like an imposter for having written all those uplifting, self-care advocating posts when I cannot simply gather myself together. Today is one such day. Half of which has passed.

The other half, however, I am committed to change today. I will address you on days that I am down. I will share with you my darkest thoughts, sorrows, fears and words. Why, you ask? Because maybe, just maybe, someone out there might read my pieces and smile, take heart and hustle on in the knowledge that we all have our ups and downs. Our moods have upswings and downswings. And yet, nothing lasts forever. I know I will get back into the right frame of mind soon enough. And you will see the difference. As would someone else who’s currently berating himself for feeling the way he is currently and admonishing himself for not being strong. It doesn’t take strength to plaster a smile on your face and pretend everything is okay, winning accolades and love from everyone around. It does take strength to accept there will be days when you won’t be at your best, that it is okay to take a break, take more than a few moments to be with yourself, accept your feelings and let them live out their life cycle in you in a healthy manner and, most importantly, it takes sheer strength to try and love yourself when you’re on the brink of self-hatred.

So today, I am willing to acknowledge that there will be days when I’ll be an irritable, slobbering, whining, selfish mess. But that is till my mess. I own it and will overcome it. I will live through it to better days. And I will do so without assigning blame to others around me when their behaviour ticks me off just because I’m in a mood. I will heal without damaging another’s mental health. There is a heart big enough in me to love them and myself. I will be real.

What do you say to that?

To-Do

Do one thing today that makes you happy but you’ve been putting off since forever due to paucity of time.

Do one thing today that’s good for your body – be it hydrating every hour, a quick walk round the block or standing while working. Any thing that could make a difference to your sedentary routine.

Do one thing today that grounds your mental stability. You could meditate, take a power nap, chat with a friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with, watch a hilarious movie with family, or treat yourself to some hot chocolate while listening to your guilty pleasure playlist.

Do it. Remind yourself who it’s for and why caring for yourself is alright.

Do something for yourself today and let me know. Then see yourself inspiring others like the wonderful person that you are!

Easy Loving

They say it’s easy to hate and difficult to love. That’s how the whole scheme of things works. I beg to differ, if I may. Pardon me for it, if you feel. Because I think there’s nothing in this world easier than falling in love. Easier than opening one’s heart. Easier than giving another the power to tear you apart.

Hate, on the other hand, requires so much more effort, thought and time. Frankly, I have none. For you see, I’m so busy loving myself that I can feel enough compassion to give love to everyone I meet. And hate, to be honest, just messes with my vibe.

They say it’s easy to hate and difficult to love. I feel nothing but pity for such poor, tortured souls. For they clearly have never spent a day with their own selves and realised how simple it is to just be. And to love. One’s own self and others.

Hate, on the other hand, is the foremost form of self harm. And it must take so much struggle, deprivation, hopelessness and cowardice to hurt your own self.

So, if you find it easy to hate. I implore you to love yourself. No matter how daunting it may seem to be. I assure you, tis seemingly uphill task is actually a wonderful joyride.