To be all alone
In the middle of a crowd
Is not what this life
Is meant to be about
To be all worn out
In the midst of gaiety
When striking a simple conversation
Marks the onset of anxiety
To be unsure
Of what others feel for you
Is a disservice to your own feelings
Which define and make you, you
To be high strung even at night
When others seem to rest in delight
Is a very unkind plight
So just follow the light
Of your own heart
And let it guide you home
To centre and ground you
To love and surround you
For above all that in this world may be true
You, yourself, owe it to you
The only difference between my desires and reality
Is that the former is limited by my own sense of worth, imagination, faith and frailty
Remove these from the equation
And I’d be unparalleled, limitless and undefined like infinity
If you look carefully, there’s a deep profundity in this piece’s brevity
So tell me what you make of it?
Have you ever wondered why is it a sin to kill a mockingbird?
Well, Miss Maudie Atkinson said in the classic novel To Kill a Mockingbird: “Mockingbirds don’t do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don’t eat up people’s gardens, don’t nest in corncribs, they don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That’s why it’s a sin To Kill a Mockingbird.”
I woke up pondering this question today and realised the need to identify all the mockingbirds in my life. The ones that fill it with beautiful melodies not for any reason but just because. The ones that make it a tad easier to plough on with their gentle, guiding hums and their caring flutterings. The ones that love us with no expectations in turn.
Yes, it may well be a sin to kill a mockingbird but if we do not take some time out to appreciate them, we just might slowly by killing their music and that, my friends, would be an unpardonable sin.
So go seek out your mockingbirds today and give them a song to sing!
At times it takes a while to be able to see something right in front of you. At times people grow on you.
Slowly at first But then quite steadily. Till you end up wondering how come you never noticed them before.
Or an opportunity which you’ve been waiting for since forever comes to you in an unexpected form. And the time you take in recognising it baffles you when you finally do.
It’s amazing, isn’t it?
How we want what we don’t have and how we get those very things in the strangest of ways.
Or maybe we don’t see it because we feel undeserving of it?
We live in denial till the slow acceptance of actually being worthy starts seeping in?
We keep our distance till a sense of security envelops us in its warmth, allowing us to finally let go of our inhibitions and just feel what we want to feel?
I don’t have any answers. Just musings. While I sit around admiring the people and blessings in my life that I resisted for way too long and stupidly, basking in their love and comfort.
Isn’t ‘new beginnings’ a redundancy?
Or do we all go around chasing old habits, places and people
Time and time again
Swimming in circles
Getting nowhere faster
Content with circuit being our lot?
I think next time
I’d just like to have a beginning
No new beginnings
Begging to begin again
The rising sun brings with it
Hope and joy
A renewed vigour for life
Invincibility and motivation
As if you’re god’s favourite creation
And nothing, almost nothing, is out of your reach
The setting sun speaks to me
Of calm and peace
Of rest, overdue and well deserved
Of satisfaction and bliss
Of a day well lived
Of an evening well loved
And I go to bed content
In the certainty of another sun
Which soon shall rise again
And bring with it
Hope and joy renewed
You ask me if I’m a dreamer or a realist
As if being either could define me in your eyes
Or being both at the same was incredulously impossible
I am a dreamer and a realist
For if you wouldn’t dare to dream
How could you possibly fathom the limits of your reality?
I read and quote Sylvia Plath
Whenever I’m feeling low
I dance on some jazz music
To drown away the blues
I arrange tulips on my desk to remind me of the sun
When the skies are grey outside
And you wonder why your gaslighting
Merely makes me smile?
I lost almost 25 kgs in 2020. More than that, and more importantly, I lost a lot of mental baggage too.
I feel lighter, fitter and healthier than I ever recall feeling.
I smile more widely and laugh more often. I sleep better and talk more politely. My patience and general well being have improved by leaps and bounds.
The only sad part is that it took a soul crunching, time stopping and all around jarring pandemic for me to pause and reset. To focus on and prioritise myself. To work through all the unresolved issues which were underlying the calm exterior I took pride in portraying. To actually process my feelings and emotions through healthy, conversation based and creative outlets.
So in 2021 the only resolution I am going to make is to choose myself. Love myself. Heal myself. Understand myself. Forgive myself. And to grow. To pause, when needed. To listen to myself. To pay attention to my own mind and body.
I hope you’ll be doing the same for yourself too. Because one off resolutions are like putting out small fires while an entire forest burns to ashes. The bigger picture, the important picture is always you and your life.
Yes, of course, set goals for yourself. But resolve to live happily and freely. And then test your resolve to its very limits….just to see it emerge stronger.
P.S. if you’re struggling and need a friend, I’m always ready to listen, chat and offer whatever assistance that’s possible from my end. I am not a proxy therapist, just a willing shoulder to lean on while you catch your breath 🙂
In a universe so infinite
Why would you want to love finitely?
Define yourself with numbers
Like scores, marks, weight, age, people?
Why limit your soul to one astral plane?
Why restrict your knowledge to only that which is defined?
What’s stopping you other than your own self-imposed boundaries?
Even if the universe were to be finite
Why couldn’t you live infinitely?
Why shouldn’t you?
Even if the universe were finite
Go ahead and write your story
On every particle of it