Shock Treatment

The last thing he said to me was

That he’d never asked me to do so much

Try so hard

Be so nice

Give it my all

Till I was bared to my bones

Heart broken

That was the first time I was rendered mute with shock

And rage

Until indifference took over me

And I knew

I’d cry no more

20-21

This year has been different, to say the least. We lived through the most unexpected of times, witnessing the very highs and lows of humanity. We disbanded, came together, learned, unlearned and relearned quite a few things during the course of a year. Yet, each one of us, whether doing well or struggling has held out unwavering hope that the next year will bring better tidings.

So for this roller coaster ride called 2020, I have nothing but immense gratitude in my heart. I’ve charted quite a journey within and outside of myself. I feel more blessed than proud of this fact. I have lost, gained and regained a few people along the way. Some for life, invaluably cherished.

With 2021 begins a new chapter of life for me. A shared chapter. One full of hope, love and a sense of belonging. I am quite tickled to see where it will lead. I hope the very same for all of you.

Bring it on 2021, I’ll be doubly armed in my welcome 😊.

Quarantine

This quarantine I lost a few things.

The struggle of locating car keys in the morning got replaced by a quiet cup of tea while dad read the morning news out loud.

The scramble to cook and pack breakfast and lunch into multiple tiffin boxes slowed down into serene hours spent in the kitchen learning and swapping recipes with mom, getting a glimpse of the secret ingredient she never forgot to use (it’s love, in case you were wondering).

The mad rush of traffic punctuated with continuous honking horns gave way to leisurely hours on the terrace watching the world pass me by.

The daily excuse of too much work or connectivity error preventing me to even revert to texts from friends melted into video chats and online games, reconnecting over shared fun and frolick.

Yes, this quarantine I lost quite a few things.

And found myself anew.

Letters at Midnight

I write letters at midnight

Which shall forever remain unsent

I slow dance, solo

To every breaking of the dawn

I smile to myself sometimes

When no one else seems to be watching

I show up, when needed

Despite how much I may be hurting

I cry out loud, shedding tears

While soundly asleep

I find solace in small mercies

Like surviving a broken heart

And I am terribly afraid of the things

Which lurk in the dark

You asked me who I was

I could tell you how I am

Would that be enough?

Would I be enough?

Would you remember me

When I’m long gone

And you come across

Those letters I wrote at midnight

Which forever remained unsent?

Dare to dream

There’s a place where all dreams go to die

Built upon the shackles of society

Nurtured by well meaning words spoken by snakelike tongues

Propped up

By pillars of self doubt and uncertainty

With a healthy sprinkling of what if it wasn’t meant to be

But all it takes to realise them all

Is to stand up

And defy

Oh Joy!

And every once in a while

You come across things which make you smile

Random acts of kindness

From virtual strangers

The blooming of a little bud

After an unusually long, dry spell

The coming together of unknown people

To pull a distressed puppy out of the well

An unexpected smile and nod of understanding, telling you all will be well

The first rays of sunshine

Bursting through gloomy skies

Or the pitter patter of

An out of season rainfall

And then there’s something which really makes my day

After I’ve poured out my heart

Like spilled ink on paper

Someone from across the world

Types that he can relate.

This one’s for all of you my loves! The ones who read and take a moment out of their ever hectic schedules to drop in a kind word. You’re what keeps me going. Thank you!