The last thing he said to me was
That he’d never asked me to do so much
Try so hard
Be so nice
Give it my all
Till I was bared to my bones
That was the first time I was rendered mute with shock
Until indifference took over me
And I knew
I’d cry no more
This year has been different, to say the least. We lived through the most unexpected of times, witnessing the very highs and lows of humanity. We disbanded, came together, learned, unlearned and relearned quite a few things during the course of a year. Yet, each one of us, whether doing well or struggling has held out unwavering hope that the next year will bring better tidings.
So for this roller coaster ride called 2020, I have nothing but immense gratitude in my heart. I’ve charted quite a journey within and outside of myself. I feel more blessed than proud of this fact. I have lost, gained and regained a few people along the way. Some for life, invaluably cherished.
With 2021 begins a new chapter of life for me. A shared chapter. One full of hope, love and a sense of belonging. I am quite tickled to see where it will lead. I hope the very same for all of you.
Bring it on 2021, I’ll be doubly armed in my welcome 😊.
This quarantine I lost a few things.
The struggle of locating car keys in the morning got replaced by a quiet cup of tea while dad read the morning news out loud.
The scramble to cook and pack breakfast and lunch into multiple tiffin boxes slowed down into serene hours spent in the kitchen learning and swapping recipes with mom, getting a glimpse of the secret ingredient she never forgot to use (it’s love, in case you were wondering).
The mad rush of traffic punctuated with continuous honking horns gave way to leisurely hours on the terrace watching the world pass me by.
The daily excuse of too much work or connectivity error preventing me to even revert to texts from friends melted into video chats and online games, reconnecting over shared fun and frolick.
Yes, this quarantine I lost quite a few things.
And found myself anew.
I write letters at midnight
Which shall forever remain unsent
I slow dance, solo
To every breaking of the dawn
I smile to myself sometimes
When no one else seems to be watching
I show up, when needed
Despite how much I may be hurting
I cry out loud, shedding tears
While soundly asleep
I find solace in small mercies
Like surviving a broken heart
And I am terribly afraid of the things
Which lurk in the dark
You asked me who I was
I could tell you how I am
Would that be enough?
Would I be enough?
Would you remember me
When I’m long gone
And you come across
Those letters I wrote at midnight
Which forever remained unsent?
There’s a place where all dreams go to die
Built upon the shackles of society
Nurtured by well meaning words spoken by snakelike tongues
By pillars of self doubt and uncertainty
With a healthy sprinkling of what if it wasn’t meant to be
But all it takes to realise them all
Is to stand up
And every once in a while
You come across things which make you smile
Random acts of kindness
From virtual strangers
The blooming of a little bud
After an unusually long, dry spell
The coming together of unknown people
To pull a distressed puppy out of the well
An unexpected smile and nod of understanding, telling you all will be well
The first rays of sunshine
Bursting through gloomy skies
Or the pitter patter of
An out of season rainfall
And then there’s something which really makes my day
After I’ve poured out my heart
Like spilled ink on paper
Someone from across the world
Types that he can relate.
This one’s for all of you my loves! The ones who read and take a moment out of their ever hectic schedules to drop in a kind word. You’re what keeps me going. Thank you!
Words evade me
With a mind on overdrive
I’ve lost the will to write
Feelings consume me
Making me too alive
A dulling of senses
Is a much needed respite
A pencil pusher, people pleaser
A pyretic pushover
And we got
A self satisfying simmer
The nicest person I have ever known
Had a whole lot of things to say
But chose to remain quiet instead
I can never forget
Pieces of my heart
Are starting to fall apart
So, take me back to the start
For they say love’s an art?