Reality Check

June has always been a little bit of a conundrum for me. It brings with it the promise of a vacation under sunny skies, but with a pang of fear for leaving everything behind. Just like the washed away sand on the beaches I like to visit.

June marks the middle of another year and I can never tell if I’ve done just enough to be able to relax now and justify it as a good year, or if I’m just getting started.

June has a way of breaking past all the barriers I’ve constructed and ridding me of all disillusions. For June always is what it is, and never what it ought to be.

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Tough times, tougher people

Taking my cue from the Kungfu Panda (honestly, so much more than a kid’s movie) –

You know what scars do, they fade

And even the most terrifying of wounds heal

That’s the nature of life

That’s also the nature of us

So what matters most

Is how we handle the now

And not how the past handles us

That’s how we rise, we grow and we conquer

Even the toughest times

I step out and it’s April

April for me is a month of uncertainty. The weather’s oscillation between hot and cold keeps me up more than half the night. The sun is warm and the breeze is pleasant. The days are equal parts energising and draining. But when I step out and notice how blue the blue of the skies is, how green the green of the leaves is and how brightly coloured is all of nature, I realise the true splendour of April. It blooms and nurtures. It revitalises and nourishes. April is Mama Earth’s way of readying us for a beautiful year ahead.

Siren Song

I’m looking for a new song to hum tonight. Not like a lullaby yet a salve for the soul. A tune for all ages. The words haunting. A treble that trembles and a bass as deep as the woods. A siren’s call. A devil’s snare. A lure. A trap. An unattempted dare.

I’m looking for a new song to hum tonight. Can you fathom its dulcet tones?

Sawaal Jawaab

Yun toh sawaal kayi uthte rehte hain zehen mein

Kabhi khayal ke roop mein

Ek pal saamne doosre pal ojhal

Kabhi nasoor ki tarah

Reh reh ke teeste hain

Kabhi tum saamne aao

Baitho

Aur

Idhar dekho

Toh shayad pehli baar ek jawaab bhi aa jaye is mann mein

Purani Jeans

You remind me of an old pair of jeans

Slightly worn

Very much faded

Snugly fitting through the various sizes I’ve been over the years

Comfortable, familiar, a go-to when I couldn’t care less

A top or a tee

With flats or heels

Flexible through all my choices

A constant echo through all my voices

You remind me of a pair of old jeans

My favourite pair

For non-English speakers, the word “Purani” in the title means “old” in Hindi. There’s a popular song in India which never fails to fill us all with nostalgia and yearning for the simpler days of our childhood. Of friends made and hearts broken. Of memories and happiness. Do give it a listen on the link below, if you like.

Haar Jeet

Haar jao

Kisi din zara

Tum mere dil ki daleelon se

Baaz aao

Kisi din yuhin

Tum apni berukhiyon se

Aazamao

Kabhi toh tum

Humari bhi naseehaton ko

Aur muskurao

Ek baar firse

Dekhke tum in nazdeekiyon ko

The Anatomy of Love: Deduction by Elimination

This isn’t a diary entry

Or a note to self

This isn’t a gentle reminder

Or a long pending due date

This isn’t a call to action

Or all hands on deck

This isn’t a line item on the agenda

Or a tabled debate

This is neither prose nor poetry

Nor an anecdote seeped in history

This is neither a memory

Nor a well rounded theory

This is neither a dissertation

Nor a repressed emotion

This is it

This is all

This is what was

And also what will be

This is the question

And the answer

The only one there’ll ever be

This is

This is

A funny little thing called love

Being Woman

I screamed

Silently

I dreamt

Vicariously

I laughed

Consciously

I lived

Apologetically

No more, no more, no more.

Habit

No. Not again. Not this time. No matter what you say. No matter what you promise to do. No, I’m not listening. No, you shouldn’t be here. I’m not it. This time and forever more, I chose myself.