This Thing Called Life

It’s a little confusing and a whole lot scary

This thing that we call life

There’s no magic wand swished by a fairy

To end my internal strife

I am young and yet weary

Excited yet wary

Confounded, clueless and naive

Isn’t it altogether really eerie

And at times mindnumbingly dreary

This thing that we call life?

God’s Gambit

The best laid plans

Have an uncanny knack

Of somehow going awry

Right at the edge of the finish line

The trophy glistening within your sight

It’s a losing gamble, yes

This thing ominously called life

For as long as we’re living

We’re fighting a losing fight

Struggling to keep up every second

Playing against the odds

And when we die

It’s all completely lost

The numerous battles and the larger war

Because God

Oh, He doesn’t just play dice

He plays dice with Rubik’s cubes

(The last lines belong to Robin, who’s recent piece was an inspiration for this post. Please do check out his blog, it’s quite intriguing!)

Keeping up with Quarantine

Ups and downs

Highs and lows

Days and nights

All merge into one

Work and leisure

Pain and pleasure

Have all ended up acquiring

The same corporeal form

Latent talents

Open laziness

Bouts of momentum

Spells of inertia

Privileged to be loved and safe

Heartbroken for the rest

No end seems to be in sight

What will be this century’s respite

Holding on for dear life

Happy to be alive

Happy to be alive?

Diary Entry #2 : Self Love

Dear Diary,

Today was an eventful day. Not in a way where a lot of things happened. But each one was more and more overwhelming.

A few hours in, and I couldn’t breathe. I was tired of running around in circles, trying to get everything done in time but getting nowhere. I forgot to take a breath! Or a break. I skipped lunch, as usual.

Then just when I had all but given up, staring blankly outside the window, the skies opened up and smiled. Have I ever told you about the magic of out-of-season rains?

They’re like little bursts of happiness, unexpected yet plenty. They are instant mood uplifters. You cannot help but smile as the first drop makes its way to the tip of your nose with a splat. They wash off all the grime, outside and within, and make you look at things anew.

The trees, the birds, the dogs and cats, all rejoice. And so, did I. I turned off my laptop, set aside my notebook, put my phone on silent and took a deep breath. I sat in silence with closed eyes, listening to the pitter patter and the thundering and rumbling outside.

And finally, I smiled. Because I decided to forgive myself today. I decided to apologize to myself today. I decided to love myself a little more today. So that I never forget to breathe again. So that I never forget it’ll all be okay in the end. So that I never forget to not always push myself too hard. So that I, can be just I..at times. So that the next time the magic of out-of-season rains find me, I’d be ready to welcome it with open arms.

Truth

Somewhere out there

Someday

When we least expect it

We’d find truth

And realise

It’s neither dark nor does it shine

Instead, it is sublime

It’s neither a fact

Nor a notion

It’s never static

Nor in motion

It travels in no single, straight line

Truth is simply a measure of time

The distance between your heart and mine

Just Another Girl

I’m not good friends with the mirror on my wall

But I sometimes stop to stare through glass windows

Looking from outside in

Warm strangers wrapped up in their own cocoons of conversation

Raindrops trickling down

Baristas hiding their harrowed day behind plastered smiles and cordial hellos

Children running around

On a sugar high

The bitter sweet aroma of coffee cutting through the dense air

I’m not okay with the fad of gymming

But I sometimes take long hikes

Up a meandering trail

Through woody terrains

And green foliage

Pausing to let a small animal cross the path

Or hurrying to give a squirrel some chase

Till I reach a sudden clearing

Where, upon resting, I feel a sense of belonging

Where solitude does not invoke questions

But is the most sacred of traditions

I’m no fan of navigations apps

I sometimes prefer to stop at corners

And ask directions from vendors along the way

I don’t mind getting lost at times

Or even late

For the journey is almost always more fulfilling than the destination

The path strewn with a myriad adventures

They ask me how I am how I am

They ask me if I ever tire out

They ask me if I’d ever comply

And make a complete turnabout

And I get so confused

Wondering why

They’d ask something so obvious

Because

I’m just another girl, like no other girl.

Perfection

The nature of life is such that it goes on. Moments, people, places and things may get left behind but we, we still move on. A path forged with pain and troubles is our lot. Yet we snatch moments of joy along the way, more often than not. Our complaints of today, seem like trifles tomorrow. People unknown today may become soul mates tomorrow. We could travel to the ends of the world, thinking of a land before time and still be unable to find ourselves, despite not really being lost. Yet, sometimes, a lazy day at home in your softest pyjamas, off the grid, may become the awakening you’d never even hoped for.

Because

If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.

Innocent?

Innocence silently watches

The comings and goings of time

Head hung low

Eyes averted

And tongue tied

It makes for a pitiful picture

As we leave its hand

To run far ahead

Plundering everything in our wake

And on the day of reckoning

When we take a breath to see

What we made of our destiny

Trying to make sense

Of where it all got torn to shreds

Fear rising up inside us like bile

As we are shoved ahead to pay the price

With hellfire dancing in its eyes

And a sly smile on its ravaged face

Innocence silently watches

Astral

Days roll into nights

Like one endless quagmire

Every moment seems fleeting and ephemeral

Yet time feels to be standing still

Dreams appear no different than waking hours

Nightmares more so

The mind is dwelling on an astral plane

The body, functioning on auto pilot

And the most frightening thought of all

Is that none of it matters

Is this indifference

Or giving up on life

Or really

A higher form of nirvana?

Heavy questions that could weigh down one’s conscience

But I no longer seem to care.