Out of the Box

The only difference between my desires and reality

Is that the former is limited by my own sense of worth, imagination, faith and frailty

Remove these from the equation

And I’d be unparalleled, limitless and undefined like infinity

If you look carefully, there’s a deep profundity in this piece’s brevity

So tell me what you make of it?

Diary Entry #5 : Of Denials and Acceptances

At times it takes a while to be able to see something right in front of you. At times people grow on you.

Slowly at first But then quite steadily. Till you end up wondering how come you never noticed them before.

Or an opportunity which you’ve been waiting for since forever comes to you in an unexpected form. And the time you take in recognising it baffles you when you finally do.

It’s amazing, isn’t it?

How we want what we don’t have and how we get those very things in the strangest of ways.

Or maybe we don’t see it because we feel undeserving of it?

We live in denial till the slow acceptance of actually being worthy starts seeping in?

We keep our distance till a sense of security envelops us in its warmth, allowing us to finally let go of our inhibitions and just feel what we want to feel?

I don’t have any answers. Just musings. While I sit around admiring the people and blessings in my life that I resisted for way too long and stupidly, basking in their love and comfort.

Begin Again

Isn’t ‘new beginnings’ a redundancy?

Or do we all go around chasing old habits, places and people

Time and time again

Swimming in circles

Getting nowhere faster

Content with circuit being our lot?

I think next time

I’d just like to have a beginning

Period

No new beginnings

Begging to begin again

Of sunrises and sunsets

The rising sun brings with it

Hope and joy

A renewed vigour for life

Invincibility and motivation

As if you’re god’s favourite creation

And nothing, almost nothing, is out of your reach

The setting sun speaks to me

Of calm and peace

Of rest, overdue and well deserved

Of satisfaction and bliss

Of a day well lived

Of an evening well loved

And I go to bed content

In the certainty of another sun

Which soon shall rise again

Without fail

And bring with it

Hope and joy renewed

20-21

This year has been different, to say the least. We lived through the most unexpected of times, witnessing the very highs and lows of humanity. We disbanded, came together, learned, unlearned and relearned quite a few things during the course of a year. Yet, each one of us, whether doing well or struggling has held out unwavering hope that the next year will bring better tidings.

So for this roller coaster ride called 2020, I have nothing but immense gratitude in my heart. I’ve charted quite a journey within and outside of myself. I feel more blessed than proud of this fact. I have lost, gained and regained a few people along the way. Some for life, invaluably cherished.

With 2021 begins a new chapter of life for me. A shared chapter. One full of hope, love and a sense of belonging. I am quite tickled to see where it will lead. I hope the very same for all of you.

Bring it on 2021, I’ll be doubly armed in my welcome 😊.

The Show Must Go On

Of all the stages that life could be

It turned out to be that of a drama theatre

It’s only saving grace is that

You could play the role you’re given

Or portray what you were meant to be

Or go completely offscript

And do a one man, one scene, one act play

Enthral, entrance, enchant your way

Through a powerful soliloquy

Yes, life is but a drama stage

That you alone can bring to life

So carry on, mon cheri,

Bask in the spotlight

And maybe do an encore

Before the curtain falls

Self Care Manual for Dummies Like Me

Gentle reminder and heartfelt plea for you to add to the list. I made this last year and then 2020 happened, so..

Moonlighting Scrivener

  1. Sleep early and sleep enough. Every night, for instance.

  2. Being bored is not equal to feeling hungry. Portion your meals and have them on time.

  3. Workout for 30 minutes (minimum) daily. Not for a summer or bikini bod but for a long, healthy life.

  4. Your body is a temple and your mind its reigning deity. Monitor what you consume, both physically and emotionally. Don’t eat crap, don’t take crap. Don’t drown yourself in tears pitying your existence while gorging on unholy amounts of french fries.

  5. Socialise. Share your time. Share pieces of yourself. Allow kindred spirits to enter your life. Allow yourself to be treated the way you actually deserve to be. Look at yourself from someone’s else’s perspective. It’s okay to have some alone time and well defined personal space but it’s equally important to get out of your comfort zone too.

Better functioning adults than me, please feel…

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Living, Breathing Consciousness : Food for the Soul

I have turned off all notifications on my phone, except for old school phone calls. (I may or may not have watched The Social Dilemma over the weekend)

However, this exercise got me thinking about how technology, with all its gadgets and paraphernalia, was meant to be used as a tool. Ironically, it’s taken over our lives and made us tools instead. Kudos to that though, it was no mean task. We are well and truly hooked. Living more, digitally, than in actual life. Our eyes and minds have been bogged down and straining under the relentless attack of screens. Days pass by in a daze, mindlessly swiping from one Insta story to the next, infinitely scrolling and never quite catching up (which, honestly, we aren’t even meant to), syncing life updates from one app and device to the other.

Our minds are being harnessed to mine data from our lives so that we can be targeted, with products and as products. This is marketing at its best. Again, kudos. I marvel at what the human mind can imagine, create and achieve in its quest for complete capitalism. I am beginning to feel that The Matrix was not quite that futuristic. We are but humanoid pods, sown in a farm, being reaped by the machines while we remain blissfully oblivious, sincerely believing this to the the best life.

Be that as it may, I am now choosing to take back the power and pull on my attention. I will consciously decide what I will expend my energy on and for how long. We talk about sustainability, sustainable earth goals and what not, forgetting that in order to sustain our minds, we need stimulation and not mere emulation of the latest social media trend. I will feed rather than drain my mind from now on. So that when I go to bed, it is with a feeling of having consumed knowledge and energy rather than being consumed by technology to aid Big Data and its allies.

So I call upon all of you to send my your choicest of articles, poetry, art, podcasts, videos, music and whatever else you might consider food for the soul. I have been starved and deprived for so long that I long for a feast now. Help a sister out, will you?

They say it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. I am challenging myself to get into the habit of living my life like humans were intended to and designed for. I will interact, communicate and meditate with what matters and enriches me. And in this quest, I just might end up knowing and reclaiming myself. Are you with me on this journey? I would love to hear your views, because I truly think you lot nurture, enthral and captivate me in the best way there is.

Looking forward to your wonderful ideas.

As always,
Love,

Varnika.

Quarantine

This quarantine I lost a few things.

The struggle of locating car keys in the morning got replaced by a quiet cup of tea while dad read the morning news out loud.

The scramble to cook and pack breakfast and lunch into multiple tiffin boxes slowed down into serene hours spent in the kitchen learning and swapping recipes with mom, getting a glimpse of the secret ingredient she never forgot to use (it’s love, in case you were wondering).

The mad rush of traffic punctuated with continuous honking horns gave way to leisurely hours on the terrace watching the world pass me by.

The daily excuse of too much work or connectivity error preventing me to even revert to texts from friends melted into video chats and online games, reconnecting over shared fun and frolick.

Yes, this quarantine I lost quite a few things.

And found myself anew.