The cost of a lie

That night there was a shattering silence

Broken by faltering sighs

Your halting words

Tried to appease fate

A little too less and a little to late

And smiling like a venomous snake

Doubt slithered inside the gate

And now


There is a shattering silence

As you, alone, lay wide awake

Diary Entry #1 : Apology

Tonight I just need someone to hold and to have. To share not just countless, endless conversations but also comfortable silences. Just your presence would have been enough. Your smiles, your expressions, your denial of how much you adored me.

Tonight, I’d give anything to sleep in your arms again. To turn back time to before I made that horrible mistake. To hear you say my name one more time. Not my real name. The goofy one that you came up with.

Tonight I’m left all alone. With an aching heart and eyes far from dry. All I have left of you are old chats. My finger hovers over your number. Itching to make that call which will never go through. My eyes fixate at the empty image icon on WhatsApp. Knowing that a hey will only ever get a single tick.

Tonight I’m reliving the past. Through our pictures together. Through your words. Through our fingers entwined. Through our smiles, free from beguile. I have never seen myself look happier than in those moments spent with you.

Tonight I am hurting. All over again.

Tonight I’m willing. For you to come back.

Adam and Eve?

Buried in the depths

Of ancient memory

Lies a secret forbidden

Possibly long forgotten

More so for being

A gain ill-begotten

We hear murmurs of rumours still

Yet we brush them off

With a scoff

Unconvinced that they could ever apply to us

Yet history hath witnessed thus

Love does love pain beget

Which we shall always regret

So guard your heart

Chain it

Then padlock it

For there lies a secret

Buried deep in ancient memory

That even Adam had to give

A rib to be with Eve

Futile Regrets

Of all the bright places

and all the right people

you chose my darkness

even when I was the wrong kind

And I

I repaid you with pain


and agony

with lies


and tortures many

yet you’re still around

to stay till I’m found

not for yourself

but for my sake

to give me a better future

and to give my future a better me

I know I’ve lost you from my destiny

for you’ll leave

when you’re done with remodelling me

and I’d be left holding on

to the memory

of the best thing

that could have ever happened

to me.


I thought I’d miss you more in the strange loneliness of the night

But no

You come to me at all moments in the day

When I’m busy writing

Or working

Or even sipping tea

You’re there


Hijacking my every thought

You’re not larger than life

You don’t smile and wave your way in

No, no

You sneak in

From a hidden corner

One foot forward

Two back

Doing your own weird little dance

In halls of my memories

But it’s quite enough to put me in a trance

And I’ve to try

To concentrate

Grit my teeth

Ball up my fists

Give myself a good talking to

So I don’t burst out crying

In the middle of the day

In the midst of people

But then hot tears

Come like a warm relief

From the agony

Of having lost

And I welcome them

Like a gracious host

For they muddle my vision for a bit

Blur my eyes

So I become oblivious to the world around

And then


Only you

Clear as day.


I’m trying to learn new things

breathing in a world devoid of you

getting up every morning to an empty bed

staying up most nights

fighting sleep and exhaustion

trying to relive every moment with you

as I close my eyes

not wanting them to open again

I’m learning new things

like I said

sitting and staring at blank walls

as hours pass by unnoticed

the shadows falling on it shift

as noon turns to night

I blink

but I do not feel

because I’m trying new things

putting on a facade of happiness and nonchalance

giving an Oscar worthy performance everyday

lest someone should find out my secret

that I’m lost in oblivion

I am a new thing

I think

because I do not recognise myself anymore

thing, I say

because I exist

but I do not live.


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Halfway across I turned and saw

That you had given up

Not on the journey

Nor on the quest

But on me

Just in jest.

Half way across

I felt my heart sink

While I miraculously stayed afloat.

My lungs were full, my arms weary

While there was no sign of an approaching boat.

Halfway across the ocean

You left without a trace

Leaving me with watery memories

Of your beautiful face.

Forsaken, forbidden

And forever accursed

I perch now upon a rock.

With a smile and a song

I direct the throng

Lying in wait for you.


Halfway across the ocean

You will find yourself one day

You’ll see my face

And hear my song

And be completely smitten

And as you pass beneath the surface

To your deservedly watery grave

You’ll realise why I am a siren.


I know I trusted you

When I shouldn’t have

I loved you

Even when I should have known better

I forgave you

When you didn’t even apologize.

But, you know what, my dear

I will trust again, love again and forgive again

For it wasn’t me who changed

But what will you do, love

When you look back and see

You can’t recognise yourself anymore?

Would you curse

Would you cry

Would you regret?

For, you know

We get

Only what

We beget.