Moonlighting Scrivener

Featured

Downswing Days

Published on Nov 23, 2020Apr 21, 2021 by Varnika Jain18 Comments

I’ve realised I mostly come on here and write on days I have something happy to report. Be it my physical or mental well-being or a step forward in the right direction, be it any aspect of my life. I do it with the firm belief that sharing is caring, that someone out there might read my pieces and smile, take heart and hustle on. Indeed, your kind comments have proven it to be so.

Yet, on days when I’m not feeling my best, I refrain from writing, either feeling vulnerable at the exposure or feeling like an imposter for having written all those uplifting, self-care advocating posts when I cannot simply gather myself together. Today is one such day. Half of which has passed.

The other half, however, I am committed to change today. I will address you on days that I am down. I will share with you my darkest thoughts, sorrows, fears and words. Why, you ask? Because maybe, just maybe, someone out there might read my pieces and smile, take heart and hustle on in the knowledge that we all have our ups and downs. Our moods have upswings and downswings. And yet, nothing lasts forever. I know I will get back into the right frame of mind soon enough. And you will see the difference. As would someone else who’s currently berating himself for feeling the way he is currently and admonishing himself for not being strong. It doesn’t take strength to plaster a smile on your face and pretend everything is okay, winning accolades and love from everyone around. It does take strength to accept there will be days when you won’t be at your best, that it is okay to take a break, take more than a few moments to be with yourself, accept your feelings and let them live out their life cycle in you in a healthy manner and, most importantly, it takes sheer strength to try and love yourself when you’re on the brink of self-hatred.

So today, I am willing to acknowledge that there will be days when I’ll be an irritable, slobbering, whining, selfish mess. But that is till my mess. I own it and will overcome it. I will live through it to better days. And I will do so without assigning blame to others around me when their behaviour ticks me off just because I’m in a mood. I will heal without damaging another’s mental health. There is a heart big enough in me to love them and myself. I will be real.

What do you say to that?

Daring Destiny?

Published on Apr 23, 2023Apr 24, 2023 by Varnika Jain1 Comment

Gather around to see

How to rewrite destiny

Amidst chaos and tears

And the surmounting of fears

There’s a plan and a nudge

And a will that just wouldn’t budge

It is simple, it is tough, it is overwhelming too

But you just need a little bit of derring-do

A Prayer for a Happy Day

Published on Apr 22, 2023May 2, 2023 by Varnika Jain2 Comments

And repeat after me –

Today I will not let my anxiety get the better of me

Today, my imposter syndrome will just have to go haunt someone else

Today, I’d live not like it’s my last but like I have so many more left to live – carefree and mindlessly

Today, I’ll step out of my comfort zone and promptly step back in if I don’t like it, after all Rome wasn’t built in a day

Today, I’ll go easy on me and enjoy the day just being

A Day in the Life of

Published on Apr 21, 2023Apr 24, 2023 by Varnika Jain1 Comment

That feeling of a song getting stuck in your head on loop

That unbeatable joy of the first sip of coffee ahead of a long and arduous journey

That passing of smiles and knowing nods between colleagues who’re more than just that

The snoring of your partner that’s annoying yet comforting

The routine, the randomness, the rigour, the nostalgia

There’s a little bit of everything packed into a normal day

And would we even want to have it any other way?

Don’t(s)

Published on Apr 20, 2023 by Varnika Jain1 Comment

Do not tell me to relax. No, don’t even. Don’t tell me to take a deep breath when I’m barely staying afloat. Don’t call me silly for fretting over a small issue. Don’t call me insane for showing up everyday, regardless. Don’t remind me of people who’ve had it worse. Don’t tell me this is how life is and how the world works.

Don’t. Just don’t.

Do stay by my side and show me your support. With tender words, not frivolous ones. With kind gestures, not pompous overtures. With care and love. With warmth and heart. And if you can’t, then just let it be. I’ll carry on. I’ll persist. I’ll live. I’ll keep it real. Just don’t you be fake.

Shedding the Herd

Published on Apr 19, 2023Apr 19, 2023 by Varnika Jain3 Comments

In an era of remixes and jazzing it up, of all bang and no buck, of noise and frills, of pompousness and show, there’s some amount of courage that goes into being able to cherish the simple things. Unequivocally and unapologetically. How thrilling it must be to be able to embrace what you like. How cathartic, truly, is knowing what makes your heart sing. How freeing, to not bowing before pressure. How lovely and how fine. How human and how alive.

I step out and it’s April

Published on Apr 18, 2023 by Varnika Jain1 Comment

April for me is a month of uncertainty. The weather’s oscillation between hot and cold keeps me up more than half the night. The sun is warm and the breeze is pleasant. The days are equal parts energising and draining. But when I step out and notice how blue the blue of the skies is, how green the green of the leaves is and how brightly coloured is all of nature, I realise the true splendour of April. It blooms and nurtures. It revitalises and nourishes. April is Mama Earth’s way of readying us for a beautiful year ahead.

Siren Song

Published on Apr 14, 2023Apr 26, 2023 by Varnika JainLeave a comment

I’m looking for a new song to hum tonight. Not like a lullaby yet a salve for the soul. A tune for all ages. The words haunting. A treble that trembles and a bass as deep as the woods. A siren’s call. A devil’s snare. A lure. A trap. An unattempted dare.

I’m looking for a new song to hum tonight. Can you fathom its dulcet tones?