I’m stronger than you’ll ever give me credit for Cause I know all too well That the only difference between right and wrong Is what I choose to do You’re weaker than I could have… More
Of Love and Hope
Downswing Days
I’ve realised I mostly come on here and write on days I have something happy to report. Be it my physical or mental well-being or a step forward in the right direction, be it any aspect of my life. I do it with the firm belief that sharing is caring, that someone out there might read my pieces and smile, take heart and hustle on. Indeed, your kind comments have proven it to be so.
Yet, on days when I’m not feeling my best, I refrain from writing, either feeling vulnerable at the exposure or feeling like an imposter for having written all those uplifting, self-care advocating posts when I cannot simply gather myself together. Today is one such day. Half of which has passed.
The other half, however, I am committed to change today. I will address you on days that I am down. I will share with you my darkest thoughts, sorrows, fears and words. Why, you ask? Because maybe, just maybe, someone out there might read my pieces and smile, take heart and hustle on in the knowledge that we all have our ups and downs. Our moods have upswings and downswings. And yet, nothing lasts forever. I know I will get back into the right frame of mind soon enough. And you will see the difference. As would someone else who’s currently berating himself for feeling the way he is currently and admonishing himself for not being strong. It doesn’t take strength to plaster a smile on your face and pretend everything is okay, winning accolades and love from everyone around. It does take strength to accept there will be days when you won’t be at your best, that it is okay to take a break, take more than a few moments to be with yourself, accept your feelings and let them live out their life cycle in you in a healthy manner and, most importantly, it takes sheer strength to try and love yourself when you’re on the brink of self-hatred.
So today, I am willing to acknowledge that there will be days when I’ll be an irritable, slobbering, whining, selfish mess. But that is till my mess. I own it and will overcome it. I will live through it to better days. And I will do so without assigning blame to others around me when their behaviour ticks me off just because I’m in a mood. I will heal without damaging another’s mental health. There is a heart big enough in me to love them and myself. I will be real.
What do you say to that?
Manifest
Hold the entire world in the palm of your hand
Close it into a fist and boldly stand
Because your desires, ambitions, dreams and choices are all within your right to demand
And that’s how, darling, you’ll draw a permanent line in the sand
Morning musings
A muse
No, no, don’t get me wrong
I have simply no desire to be immortalised
I just wish
For a moment
To have been Hozier’s muse
As the sun sets
And until the sun is set
I think it’s okay to wait and see what the day will beget
Until the sun is set
It’s okay to hold off on being upset
Until the sun is set
Focus on doing what you know best
Until the sun is set
Keep putting your mind to rest
Don’t give up
Don’t give in
Don’t let go
Don’t let be
No, not until the sun is set
Week not weak
It’s been a week and then some
And in no particular order
My minds feels fried
My heart a wreck
My body so gruesome
My life quite lonesome
My ears yearn for music
My feet waiting to tap along
My eyes scour the horizon for something soothing
My lips devouring water like a salve
It’s been one of those weeks
But I’m here
I’m still here
Ritual
There’s a ritual I follow
In the daily drag of life
Every morning
Without fail
And every night
Like clockwork
I cleanse my heart of malice
My brow of worrisome furrows
My voice of rude retorts
My eyes of unshed tears
Twice a day
I begin life anew
And in doing so
I’ll soon find my way
Estranged
It was a strange day that I met you on
It was raining and bright and sunny at the same time
It was a strange feeling you left me with
It was ticklish and morbidly scary at the same time
It’s been a strange time knowing you
It’s elating and beyond despair at the same time
It’s strange saying goodbye to you
It’s liberating and torturous at the same time
Fresh
I feel like I’m new to this world. In a strange kind of way. Like spring, it seems my vision is blooming afresh. My perspective, wiped clean after a fresh shower. I feel like there’s no past and no future. No baggage and no expectation. Most of all, no baggage of expectations. There’s no beginning there’s no end. Only an everlasting present. Only an everlasting presence. I feel disjointed from everyone and yet I feel at one with the world around me. I’m nothing. I’m everything. I’m new to this world. Just as you are to me.
I’ll call you, maybe?
Crazy, beautiful stranger
This one’s for you
Because you don’t know me
Not yet
But you don’t know yourself either
Not yet
So I’ll show you how you look
And feel
To someone stumbling across you
While you go bumbling on your way
Clueless
Of the number of hearts you sway
Because you’re a crazy, beautiful stranger
And I’d love to know you, if I may
Of Pain and Peace
When does pain end
When you can no longer feel it because you’ve become too numb
Or when it stops to matter
No matter how excruciating it may be
No, really, when does pain end?
When you’ve overcome its horror?
When, then, does happiness begin?
Moonlighting Scrivener 