Sunshine

I search for people who feel like sunshine

Who can clear the skies on a rainy day

People whose smiles can cast rainbows

and whose tears are always of joy

I search for people who feel like sunshine

I watch them

Trying to glean their secrets and ways

I love and cherish them for all of their days

So that when someone looks towards me in their hour of need

I hope they’d find me to be

A person who feels like sunshine

May-ntal Balance

This is the first time in more than a couple of years when it’s mental health awareness month and I’ve written nothing for it. To be honest, I am struggling. I think we all our. The very fabric of our sanity and well being has been torn apart due to the ravages of a pandemic which seems to be riding on one wave after another.

It is overwhelming, exhausting and debilitating to even just get through a day from morning to night with some semblance of hope and stability, for there are no security blankets waiting for us at the end of it.

The outpouring of grief all around and the desperate pleas for help coming in from all quarters have made my mind both anxious and numb at the same time. And I don’t know how to handle them together. It’s never been like this before.

Yes, I’m anxious for everyone hanging in there by a flimsy thread, but yes I’m also numb towards the news articles reporting more and more deaths everyday. Yes, I’m empathetic towards the plight faces by all of us, but yes I’m also apathetic in the face of it all. And it’s alright. There’s no place for guilt. Sometimes when you feel too much, your mind responds to such stimuli by making you feel nothing at all. And I’d much rather be in this state for the time being rather than have my heart wrenched out of it’s place over and over again.

So if it helps you get by, you can shut everyone else out and prioritise yourself above all. No one can judge you for it. Allow yourself to to feel and not feel. Allow yourself to grieve and to recover. Permit yourself to focus on your health.

Do whatever rocks your boat. And then when you’re feeling better, help other struggles.

Mandala Meditations

I find it difficult to meditate the conventional way. Although I am striving to get there. The importance of meditation is not lost on me, especially in the midst of a nationwide surge in covid cases with everyone I know being either infected or having lost a loved one. The news coming in from all quarters is depressing, the messages coming in from family and friends are overwhelming. The mental stability, understandably, is barely hanging in there.

So I did what I could do to focus my attention away from all of it, if only for a little while. And I made art. I’m not sure if it meets all the standards of being art, but for me it is.

The repeated motions of drawing this mandala stack, the craning of the mind to come up with patterns, the precision required to execute the intricacies of it all was calming and therapeutic.

So here’s my little attempt at self care. I’d love to know what you do to ground yourself and your emotions? I’m looking for ideas. And I’m here to talk, if you need a sounding board.

Love,

Varnika