There are all kinds of relationships. However, some of these can be unhealthy and quite detrimental to our overall wellness. Oftentimes, we continue to subject ourselves to the torment of being in an unhealthy relationship. It is quite possible that one of the reasons underlying this habit can be the tendency of human nature to resist change. In doing so, it spells its own doom.
At the cost of sounding selfish, I declare that no relationship is worth being in if it doesn’t make you happy, does not let you grow as a person and if it gives you sleepless nights. You are, indeed, your foremost priority. No, you’re not mean or self-centred if you prioritize yourself. This is so because the main essence of a well-rounded, fulfilling and healthy relationship is that it nurtures you to the extent that you don’t have to invest in looking out for yourself. As a result, you return equal care and affection to your significant other. So when I ask you to prioritise yourself, I’m imploring you to get rid of the shackles of a lovesless relationship and welcome one that’s actually right for you.
Thus, today, I aim at, firstly, identifying the hallmarks of an unhealthy relationship, secondly, prescribing how to get out of one and, thirdly, providing suggestions on how to move on in life towards better things.
If you’ve noticed, I’m going about this in a precise, scientific manner. This is intentional. I am attempting at doing away with all emotional overlays to get to the crux of the matter. This is needed because it’s those emotions that make us forgive the worst of things, that make us go running back to a person who’s only given us unhappiness just because he/she happened to shower some kinds words on us for once and so on and so forth. The decision to get rid of something that’s pulling you down should be logical, calculated and final. I hope you’d appreciate my intent and forgive me my drabness for today. If you do wish to read a short story on the emotional aspect of it, please read my previous post titled Do I Know You? If you wish to read on my own experience with one, please read Is love, love, love alone.
The Warning Bells
Unfortunately, the slow, cruel demise of a relationship that might have once, probably, been a happy and mutual one is never augured by big omens. Yet, on the bright side, there are various lines of queries that can make you reach a conclusion regarding the nature of your relationship. Try answering the following questions –
- Do you feel you’re not being given enough time, care or attention?
- Do you feel like you’re the only one expressing love and doing things to make the other person happy?
- Do you feel like you’re being lied to a lot?
- Do you feel like you’re always available for someone yet you’re only needed at the other’s convenience and/or whim or pleasure?
- Do you find yourself having to provide explanations for the littlest of things?
- Does your partner keep you updated on the going-ons of his life so as to make you a part of it?
- Are your friends/family apprehensive of the person you’re with and have implored you to leave him/her?
- Do you have trouble sleeping because you’re left wondering how to make things better?
- Do you feel lonely, dejected and unimportant even when surrounded by a crowd of people?
If your response to any of the above and similar questions has been a yes, then I’m sorry to say, you need to retrospectively review your relationship.
Sometimes it can happen that two people grow apart over time and yet continue to stick together due to regard for the time already spent and due to having made a commitment once. At other times, they don’t end things in order to not be left alone. It can even happen that people make tremendous compromises just because they’re used to having a certain person in their lives and that has now come to define their comfort zone. Although all these are valid enough reasons, try to weigh out your compromises against the benefits of such a relationship.
For example, if you’re feeling or are being called ‘clingy’ then, in all probability, the other person just isn’t giving you enough time. One should never have to ask for things like these. Of course, provided that you don’t expect people to leave work or professional engagements to be at your beck and call. Or to not meet their friends and family, etc. In those cases, you’d be the guilty partner and I’d recommend your partner to go through this post!
Once you’ve identified the unhealthy quotient of your relationship, move on to the next step.
If discussing your issues with your partner does not work, if you feel he/she will not be willing to put in an effort, then you need to end your relationship. Don’t fall prey to thoughts like ‘maybe this is the most that I deserve’ or ‘but he/she does claim to love me’ or ‘isn’t life all about making compromises?’. No, my dear, you deserve everything in life, you won’t need to hear claims when someone actually loves you, they’ll make sure you come to know of it in a myriad ways and no, life is what you make of it, and compromising with happiness is not the way to go about it.
Sadly though, there’s no other way to end an unhealthy relationship other than going cold turkey. You need to get up and packing. Whatever happens, do not look or turn back. They can smell weakness. They can exploit weakness. Weakness is their granola bar, it energises them. Honestly though, it’s in both of your interests for you to move on.
So once you’ve had enough, just rip off the bandaid. Easier said than done, right? No worries, I have a hack for that too. Appoint your best friend as your relationship monitor. Let her/him ensure that you stick to your decision. Usually when we have trouble in paradise, we tend to hide it from our friends. In this case, make them your confidants. You’ll find out in due course that there’s no one as fierce as a best friend protecting a friend’s heart. (Except for mothers, of course, but then again, they’re all Wonder Women)
The Journey Beyond
You’ve chosen happiness. Good for you! Now it’s time to reach it too. Once you’ve broken up with the one false love of your life, it’s time for a good, long introspection session.
No, I’m only kidding. It’s time for a makeover!
No? Well, fine, it’s time for a lifestyle transformation. Check yourself out and see what all you’ve suffered from. Do you have trust issues from having been fed too many lies? Do you have self-doubt from having been treated like a doormat? Do you look physically changed due to all the stress induced hunger pangs you indulged in or crash diets you went on to earn a little attention? You get the drift, right?
Well, then it’s time to hop on the wellness bandwagon with full commitment. Fill your time and thoughts with ideas of making yourself better. Emotionally and physically. Read more on the importance of wellness on my previous post on mind and body. Feel your best, look your best. Get to your happy place. Once you get involved in investing in your own self, you won’t even have the time to wallow in despair over the death of a relationship.
Then, when you feel you’re ready, remind yourself that you deserve all the love in this world. You will love yourself till someone comes along who can love you more than that. And then, finally, you can sit back and make being loved your new habit.
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Thank you for reading, please feel free to leave your comments and feedback down below. I would love to hear from you! Especially if you’ve experienced any of the above mentioned issues in life or know of people trapped in unhealthy relationships.