Things I didn’t know I needed this summer

1.  To be loved

By ME. Discover my self again. Realise I’m a hoot with a heart. I spend so much time being hard on myself and finding faults or seeking to do better that I often forget I’m doing my best, I deserve some rest and it’s okay, IT IS OKAY, to not be perfect all of the time. More importantly, I need no one’s validation nor adulation to prove I am lovable. This summer I want me to be my favourite person to get to know and hang out with.

2.  Be free

Of my own expectations. The shackles holding me back are of my own mind’s construct. The disappointments I repeatedly face, are due to my own high bars. I need to take a step back, reassess my goals, breathe free and rise above. What I can dream today, I can achieve tomorrow. 

3.  Be mindful

More mindful. Of what I allow to touch my soul. Be it negativity, junk food, never-ending cheat days, toxic relationship, toxic masculinity. Nothing should have the power to steal the wind beneath my wings. I am what I allow myself to be. I allow what I feel for. What feels right. What makes me feel right, in mind and in body. Wellness over fitness, mindfulness over mental space. 

4.  Be greedy

To go for what I know I deserve and have earned. To not submit before others, to no longer bow or kowtow. To have no regard for what others will think of me. Need, yearn and pine for my heart’s deepest desire and then go ahead and grab it with both hands. Make no apologies, take no prisoners. I owe no one my successes, just like my failures are my own. 

5.  Be quiet

The world in technicolour is a loud, sleepless place. There’s no rest for the weary. A thousand things go on my mind at any given point of time. A hundred voices are aimed at me every second of every day. Some I agree with, most I don’t. Some make me shout, some scream, some screech and some cringe. But before giving in to my inner voice, I should take a pause. AND LISTEN. Not just hear. Imbibe. Understand what’s happening around me, where it’s stemming from and, more importantly, where it’s headed towards. Analyze. For a moment, just be quiet so I can be loved, free, mindful and greedy while happily co-existing. 

 

What did you not know you needed this summer? Tell me, I am listening. Try me, I will be mindful. Follow me, for I’ll let you partake of my greed, love yourself, as I am going to love us both.

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Love Happens?

I’m the girl who wants to go short

When she has long hair

And desperately wishes for long hair

As soon as she chops them off

I’m the girl who wants tea

And coffee

Both

At the same time

Steaming hot

But blown cold with every sip

Buyer’s regret

After days of meticulous research and planning

The instant my card is swiped

Is a very real thing

I believe in loving yourself for who you are

Yet constantly striving to do so much better and bigger

I’m a proven juxtaposition

Of paradoxes

I am fire, I am snow

And you tell me

That love will just happen to me one day?

It’ll pop up like a jack-in-the-box and take me unawares?

It’ll grow on me when I least expect it?

It’ll reaffirm itself

When I see no scope for hope?

Ridiculous, isn’t it?

Because it doesn’t matter how you fall in love

It matters that you do

It doesn’t matter why you start to love

What matters is that it stays.

Dear Mom

Hey, Mom?

Guess what!

You were right.

Whatever it was,

You were always right.

And always will be.

You’ll always know,

Whatever there is to know,

And more.

With that wise twinkle in your eye

And that understanding nod of your head

And your hug

You warm embrace

Will set everything to right.

Your voice,

Mom,

Calms all storms.

Your hands,

Mom,

Bear every weight that would otherwise have befallen my shoulders.

Your feet,

Mom,

Never tire of walking that extra mile

To ensure that I always smile.

Your heart,

Mumma,

Is so large and full of love

That even the God’s envy it.

But you know what, Mumma

Let them.

For you have compassion for everyone.

And no matter what

Always

Your baby I will be.

The Best of Times

My parents kept a memory box

For every milestone I crossed as a baby

From my first ultrasound scan

To my handprint when I was born

A tooth I broke

When standing up to a bully

The hair I chopped

When I was acting silly

A picture of me smiling

All wide eyed

With a toothy grin

Happy moments captured in tangibles

Before time turned grim

I open it at times

With tears in my eyes

Yearning for simpler times

Why can’t we always be little?

Why do we have to turn so brittle?

Why can’t I be daddy’s little girl again

My Mama’s pride and joy

Big brother’s most loved toy

Is growing up

Just a nasty ploy

Was childhood just

A lucrative decoy?

Moving On

And slowly your name slipped

Out of the pages of memories

From being scribbled over and over

On the cover and spine

As the rightful owner

Your mention relegated

To a mere footnote

Stricken off with a lumpy, white toner

The roses you once gave me

Pressed into dried debris

Ceased being a reminder

Of your ever looming hubris

As they crumbled and turned to dust

Into an untidy heap on the floor

The date on which our eyes first met

Obliterated by an errant blob of ink

I behold a book

With dirty, yellowed pages

So old that they don’t tear now

But creak and crack

Breaking off

Just like your voice

On our very last call

Merging into nothingness

Sucking out all emptiness

As I finally

Feel

Liberated

As your ghosts no longer reside

As a thorn in my side.