Downswing Days

I’ve realised I mostly come on here and write on days I have something happy to report. Be it my physical or mental well-being or a step forward in the right direction, be it any aspect of my life. I do it with the firm belief that sharing is caring, that someone out there might read my pieces and smile, take heart and hustle on. Indeed, your kind comments have proven it to be so.

Yet, on days when I’m not feeling my best, I refrain from writing, either feeling vulnerable at the exposure or feeling like an imposter for having written all those uplifting, self-care advocating posts when I cannot simply gather myself together. Today is one such day. Half of which has passed.

The other half, however, I am committed to change today. I will address you on days that I am down. I will share with you my darkest thoughts, sorrows, fears and words. Why, you ask? Because maybe, just maybe, someone out there might read my pieces and smile, take heart and hustle on in the knowledge that we all have our ups and downs. Our moods have upswings and downswings. And yet, nothing lasts forever. I know I will get back into the right frame of mind soon enough. And you will see the difference. As would someone else who’s currently berating himself for feeling the way he is currently and admonishing himself for not being strong. It doesn’t take strength to plaster a smile on your face and pretend everything is okay, winning accolades and love from everyone around. It does take strength to accept there will be days when you won’t be at your best, that it is okay to take a break, take more than a few moments to be with yourself, accept your feelings and let them live out their life cycle in you in a healthy manner and, most importantly, it takes sheer strength to try and love yourself when you’re on the brink of self-hatred.

So today, I am willing to acknowledge that there will be days when I’ll be an irritable, slobbering, whining, selfish mess. But that is till my mess. I own it and will overcome it. I will live through it to better days. And I will do so without assigning blame to others around me when their behaviour ticks me off just because I’m in a mood. I will heal without damaging another’s mental health. There is a heart big enough in me to love them and myself. I will be real.

What do you say to that?

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Enlightened – Diwali Edition

The long weekend I’d long awaited has finally come and gone. While all of India celebrated the festival of lights, I sought to feel light while searching for the light within. I’m happy to report that this Diwali, (a day that stands for the victory of light over darkness, good over evil, and knowledge over ignorance) I’ve been able embrace all sides of myself, the good, the bad and the ugly. I’ve taken time out to recognise, nurture and cherish the aspects that are nice, relatively, while maintaining focus on my health – mental, physical and somewhat spiritual (my interpretation of it, at least). More importantly, I’ve gathered the compassion needed to forgive myself all the shortcomings and let go of any residual guilt and regret.

And you know what, I smile a lot more, laugh a tad louder and listen more than I talk. I’m happy with where I’m at. Conscious of the progress I’ve made and looking forward to where I’ve headed.

Yes, this diwali I didn’t burn fireworks, crackers or bombs (haven’t for the past 14 years so as to not pollute the environment). I did, however, burn all negativity, sadness and doubts from my mind.

I wish you had an enlightened Diwali as well.

Diary Entry #4 : Healing

It’s the middle of 2020 and everything feels surreal. Days are both hazy and blurred. While months seem to be hurrying ahead, seconds are taking an excruciatingly amount of time to live through. Suffice it to say, we are currently undergoing unprecedented times. No arguments there.

I’m sure this feeling of depression, hopelessness, despair, ennui and an all round negativity has been getting to each and every one of us. While most countries are still firmly in the grip of the pandemic, the bigger challenge lies in the road to recovery ahead. The new normal, as people call it, is far from normal or comfortable. But it is unavoidable.

So today, I want to put it out there that even though I’m nowhere ready, mentally or emotionally, to feel positive, I vow to begin the process of healing myself. Counting my blessings, more than usual. Being receptive to the struggles faced by other people. Being kinder. Being more loving. Giving more, expecting less.

Easier said than done. But trying is an important part of the process. Without healing our hearts and souls, there’ll be no recovery.

Ready or not, I’m taking the plunge! Are you with me? Because today is when we need to stand together more than ever.

Here’s to sending little doses of positivity out into the world ❤️