Being in love is like keeping a secret. When a word is right at the tip of your tongue but also not. It’s the heady feeling of knowing something more than the people around you.… More
Downswing Days
I’ve realised I mostly come on here and write on days I have something happy to report. Be it my physical or mental well-being or a step forward in the right direction, be it any aspect of my life. I do it with the firm belief that sharing is caring, that someone out there might read my pieces and smile, take heart and hustle on. Indeed, your kind comments have proven it to be so.
Yet, on days when I’m not feeling my best, I refrain from writing, either feeling vulnerable at the exposure or feeling like an imposter for having written all those uplifting, self-care advocating posts when I cannot simply gather myself together. Today is one such day. Half of which has passed.
The other half, however, I am committed to change today. I will address you on days that I am down. I will share with you my darkest thoughts, sorrows, fears and words. Why, you ask? Because maybe, just maybe, someone out there might read my pieces and smile, take heart and hustle on in the knowledge that we all have our ups and downs. Our moods have upswings and downswings. And yet, nothing lasts forever. I know I will get back into the right frame of mind soon enough. And you will see the difference. As would someone else who’s currently berating himself for feeling the way he is currently and admonishing himself for not being strong. It doesn’t take strength to plaster a smile on your face and pretend everything is okay, winning accolades and love from everyone around. It does take strength to accept there will be days when you won’t be at your best, that it is okay to take a break, take more than a few moments to be with yourself, accept your feelings and let them live out their life cycle in you in a healthy manner and, most importantly, it takes sheer strength to try and love yourself when you’re on the brink of self-hatred.
So today, I am willing to acknowledge that there will be days when I’ll be an irritable, slobbering, whining, selfish mess. But that is till my mess. I own it and will overcome it. I will live through it to better days. And I will do so without assigning blame to others around me when their behaviour ticks me off just because I’m in a mood. I will heal without damaging another’s mental health. There is a heart big enough in me to love them and myself. I will be real.
What do you say to that?
I promise
The thing about promises is that you can
Make them, break them, hold them and steal them
They can be pulled in any and every direction
And yet
The promise of a promise
Is the sweetest hope
And on some days
A promise of tomorrow
Is what keeps us going
Downswing creations
Putting pen to paper is sometimes as easy as breathing, and sometimes an insurmountable task. Days when the ink flows automatically and thoughts lend themselves to being told are the most peaceful ones in my experience. On the other hand, there are also days when every thought spirals, every sorrow snowballs, every tear demands to be shed and the pen, oh the pen just refuses to cooperate! On such days, I believe, it’s better to put poetry aside and create art instead. Why? Because the thing about art is that it’s never ugly or beautiful. It exists and that’s all there is to it.
Strawberries
Is it strawberry picking season yet?
Asking for a friend, really,
Who likes her sweets with a hint of sourness
With whipped cream or chocolates that’ve got a little bit of darkness
Ripe red
Juicy insides
Pancakes
And ice creams besides
You’ll let me know when it’s time for strawberry picking, right?
I’ll hold on till then.
The End of the World?
I was always scared of following someone to the end of the world. Until I realised, they don’t mean the literal world, they mean what the world means for the follower – they follow the one they love, their entire world, till the end of the world as they know it. Since I’ve come to this realisation, I’ve become even more scared of following someone to the end of my world for the fear of falling off the edge.
Surajmukhi
You can have the rose
With all its redness and thorns
The sunflower is mine, anyway
It will look for me and bloom afresh
Each day, every day
Repository
I’ve written a lot about love and pain
And I’ve often wondered what I stand to gain
From laying my heart out bare
Unflinching under every stare
And I think
I think I finally know
Or, at best, can suppose
Why I pour blood into ink
And turn aches into poetry
No, it’s not to juxtapose
But to have a bed for love to repose
Swan song
Lost
Forever
In the vastness of love
Adrift
And drowning
Without the anchor of your heart
Come save
Me darling
Before the sirens start
Valour
To wait
Till the sadness is over
Is the bravest thing you can do
How to love 101
Let me voice an unpopular opinion today. Believe it, if you will. Love doesn’t happen to you nor do you fall in it. No. Love is something that you find when you go looking – for it, for yourself, for a reason, or for simply a way to live. Love is something that you learn and lean into. Learn the person before you, unravel their layers, recognise every nuance, accept the idiosyncrasies. Lean into the feeling of having your heart flutter and calm down simultaneously once it’s accepted someone as its own. You love, willingly and consciously, with everything. Because, you don’t love because, you love despite. Despite everything that could go wrong, despite all the odds stacked against, despite the fleeting moment that is this life on earth. Because love is what your soul is made of. And it will always find its way.
Reality Check
June has always been a little bit of a conundrum for me. It brings with it the promise of a vacation under sunny skies, but with a pang of fear for leaving everything behind. Just like the washed away sand on the beaches I like to visit.
June marks the middle of another year and I can never tell if I’ve done just enough to be able to relax now and justify it as a good year, or if I’m just getting started.
June has a way of breaking past all the barriers I’ve constructed and ridding me of all disillusions. For June always is what it is, and never what it ought to be.
Moonlighting Scrivener 