This is the first time in more than a couple of years when it’s mental health awareness month and I’ve written nothing for it. To be honest, I am struggling. I think we all our. The very fabric of our sanity and well being has been torn apart due to the ravages of a pandemic which seems to be riding on one wave after another.
It is overwhelming, exhausting and debilitating to even just get through a day from morning to night with some semblance of hope and stability, for there are no security blankets waiting for us at the end of it.
The outpouring of grief all around and the desperate pleas for help coming in from all quarters have made my mind both anxious and numb at the same time. And I don’t know how to handle them together. It’s never been like this before.
Yes, I’m anxious for everyone hanging in there by a flimsy thread, but yes I’m also numb towards the news articles reporting more and more deaths everyday. Yes, I’m empathetic towards the plight faces by all of us, but yes I’m also apathetic in the face of it all. And it’s alright. There’s no place for guilt. Sometimes when you feel too much, your mind responds to such stimuli by making you feel nothing at all. And I’d much rather be in this state for the time being rather than have my heart wrenched out of it’s place over and over again.
So if it helps you get by, you can shut everyone else out and prioritise yourself above all. No one can judge you for it. Allow yourself to to feel and not feel. Allow yourself to grieve and to recover. Permit yourself to focus on your health.
Do whatever rocks your boat. And then when you’re feeling better, help other struggles.
Moonlighting Scrivener 