The Ghosts of Our Past

Hello again! So, post my previous write-up on moving on from a bad/broken relationship, I’ve received various direct messages with a lot of queries on the next step in the process. That is, of entering a new relationship and how to go about it while you’re still nursing wounds from the previous one. Now, I’m no relationship expert. Heck! I’m no expert at anything. Yet, if so many of you thought I could throw some light on the issue and took the time to message me about it, I believe it to be my blogger-ly duty to set forth my two cents on it.

Having duly made that disclaimer, I would also like to state that no advise or tip of mine has a blanket applicability. Please use them in accordance with the situation you’re in, the person that you are and rely on your own instincts too. Nevertheless, I would do my best to help out and I’m always here to listen to you!

Did I thank you for getting back to me and giving me such an amazing response? If I haven’t yet, I am immensely grateful. There is no bigger reward than seeing people read what you write, analyse it and give their feedback. So I’m in writer’s heaven right now, thanks to all of you!

Moving on with the issue at hand, you’ll see I’ve titled this post as “The Ghosts of Our Past”. Now, while I mentally pat my back for coming up with it, because I’m weird like that and also a geek, I would like you to take a moment for some introspection. During this time, make a mental note of all the red flags that made you escape your ex. It could be the fact that he/she wasn’t loyal and couldn’t be trusted, that your ex didn’t treat you with respect, or was too self centred to pay any heed to your needs, etc.

You see, when we start dating someone new, we subconsciously reflect our previous relationship onto this new one. In effect, we second guess everything that this new person is doing for the fear of having to go through the same thing again. In all honesty, no one can pass such close scrutiny. Moreover, this isn’t fair to that person or to you. You both deserve a chance.

So, I repeat, make a note of the red flags. Then when you meet someone new, keep yourself in check, more so over those very same issues. No one can fault you for looking out for yourself. After all, once bitten twice shy came into being for a reason. Yet, we can’t let anything from the past overshadow the happiness of our future, can we?

It is understandable to have trust issues after having been betrayed earlier. Yet, we need to make a conscious effort to remember that this new person in our life has done nothing yet to deserve our apprehension. I sincerely believe in trusting everyone till they give you a reason not to. The same holds true for all other concerns that you may have. Give yourself a fair, fighting chance. Or you could even maintain a strike card, you know. If this new person ends up doing three things out of the red flags you’d identified, he/she strikes out. But atleast give him the chance to make those strikes.

While writing this post, I’m also realising another grave concern that might marr the prospect of a happy future. Oftentimes, when things go well and like we’d want them to, we are overcome by a crippling anxiety of it all going downhill. The happiness we’re feeling in itself becomes a cause for concern. We keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. The notion of unbridled happiness coming our way seems far too alien to be welcomed with open arms, calm minds and warm hearts. This, again, is an after effect of our not-so-perfect past. Every relationship begins with happiness, that is the basic premise which makes it a relationship in the first place. It’s all hunky dory till things start turning south. Hence, when we experience happiness again later in our life, we view it with suspicion. We don’t trust our luck to be good enough.

Here again lies a struggle with your own self. I wish I had a solution, a sure shot remedy for this. All I can do today, however, is to make you aware of how our own mind works against us when it comes to situations like these. The only plausible path to proceed entails working with yourself to overcome these self created hurdles. To not let them affect your future.

It’s time to bury the ghosts of our past, firmly and surely. Jettison the baggage and free yourself of all shackles. Leave the previous relationship with the person that you left. Begin anew in the truest sense of the word. Make your own new relationship, new mistakes, new happiness and new troubles. At the end of the day, we’re all richer people for it.

I hope this helps. Again, I’m always available to listen to you and to talk. Do not hesitate in contacting me. Take good care of yourselves. Let me know what you think of today’s post in the comment section down below. I would love to get your views on it. I’m sure some of you might have a better solution to this problem. Even sharing can help others see the way ahead.

Thank you for reading!

Love,

Varnika.

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