Endless, Sleepless Nights

I often wonder

During endless, sleepless nights,

If I could have done something differently.

Would you not have discarded me then?

Or would you still have found an excuse

To shove me under a carpet

Because out of sight is out of mind?

Then I move on to wondering

If you had done something different

Would that have stirred in me the same thoughts as you?

Would I have become heartless too?

Would I have flinched before inflicting pain on you?

Would I have hesitated before crushing your heart?

Or would I have donned your mantle of mercilessness and shattered you,

Like you demolished me?

It gives me immense pleasure to note

That I am nothing like you would denote.

I loved, I lost and I will love again.

But you, my dear, will never know what it’s like

To love a person with all your might.

And that makes you all the more poorer

For there’s nothing more divine.

So thank you, my love, for making me see

All the reasons why you were wrong for me.

Because now, with my eyes wide open,

I can dare to plunge into the sea

And let it soothe all my injuries.

Then again during endless, sleepless nights

I’d wonder,

If I had done something differently,

Would I have still found this perfect love for me?

I’d look to my side and see

What destiny always had in store for me

And, with a sigh, I’d keep a watch all night

For when you find what’s worth treasuring,

You can barely let it out of your sight.

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8 thoughts on “Endless, Sleepless Nights

  1. Dear Varnika, this a beautifully written poem, of contrasts, bitter and sweet, you truly have captured your repented loss, and your gain of understanding your own strengths of character. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

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